by William Cooper

As a child, I hated visiting my extended relatives in Southern Ohio, something we did every year for what seemed like 50 years to my adults-are-SO-boring, and these-farm-kids-know-nothing unevolved brain. Each time we drove back, late at night under a clear, starry sky, my father asked, “Should we take the long way or the short way home?” The long way was through the pristine, darkened rolling hills and farmlands. The short way was through downtown Columbus on the highway.

I always voted for the short way because, well, duh. My father, the man who was anxious about time, who sat in the driveway beeping his horn when we were two minutes late, who kept to a rigid schedule, who woke up at 6am to get an early start on the day, always voted for the long way.

I hated the long way as a child. Now that I’m an adult. I get it. He was right.

In 2016, vote for the long way. Until then, get a start on that choice by voting for our long podcast.

In this special holiday episode, we explore traditions, investigate dubious holiday specials (with or without leg warmers), and listen to some top-shelf musical delights that may or may not require a call to the authorities. From the glory of the week between, we wish you a very happy season from Mr. Sniffles and The Man Who Shall Not Play Dio.

Links:
It’s the Flash Beagle, Charlie Brown:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBaLzmBfHgA

Ronnie James Dio, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen:
https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/god-rest-ye-merry-gentlemen/id292660610?i=292660745

Jonathan Coulton & John Roderick, The Week Between:
https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-week-between/id582132270?i=582132281

Aimee Mann, I’ll Be Home for Christmas:
https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/ill-be-home-for-christams/id550527518?i=550528252

She and Him, Baby It’s Cold Outside:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVz6TCT5Bjs

by William Cooper

In 1977, I turned down a chance to see Star Wars because I was afraid of Chewbacca. I was pretty sure he was a werewolf and did not want to get into that whole business. What’s more, he was obviously a space werewolf and who needs that? How does that even happen!?

A year later, Star Wars was re-released. I had grown older and wiser and had friends for some reason. We piled into my parents’ gas-fumed Chevy Impala, were dumped out at the local fancy two-screen cinema, and with the largest tub of popcorn (extra butter) and a box of junior mints, I settled in… and had my mind blown out the back of my head.

If that happens to you when listening to this podcast, please see a doctor. We had no idea about medicine back then.

In this episode, we leave the down-low and go up-high by revealing our names. If that wasn’t enough excitement for you, we visit Scott’s junk pile, venture beyond the porch on a jankity 1970s ferry, celebrate William’s birthday with a far-too-honest three-year-old, and eventually land firmly in Star Wars glee. Only the Muffs can rouse us from a nerd afterglow, which they do with a sampler pack of low-cost, Ohio-flavored “homages” to many well-known 70s and 80s bands. Impressive. Most Impressive.

Links:
The M/V Hyak:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MV_Hyak

George Takei:
http://www.georgetakei.com/

The Muffs on Discogs:
http://www.discogs.com/Muffs-The-Muffs/release/6203765

The History of the Muff Bros / The Muffs / Money:
http://www.buckeyebeat.com/muffsmoney.html

Money / Muffs on FaceBook:
https://www.facebook.com/Money-Muffs-114142838616935/

Tom Weisend – Welcome to Realville:
https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/welcome-to-realville/id758712915

Muff Brothers (William’s Version)
http://www.muffbrothers.org

Columbus’ Main Street Bridge:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Street_Bridge_%28Columbus%29

by William Cooper

You know, at our age, starting again is like pulling the cord on that old lawnmower that sits at the corner of your garage, the one that, no matter what you do, still smells like gasoline and faded summers. Like that glorious, but neglected machine, our podcast requires the right mix of fuel, a path that is clear of stones, and wheels that are kept away from the wet mulch.

Also, both require two good cranks to get going.

In our premiere episode, we discover ourselves, we kick technology to a background process (this is NOT a tech podcast!), William is drowned by a waterpik, and Scott shares a musical journey with Black Russian.

Links:
The Autonomy of the Technological Phenomenon – some light reading:
http://www.nyu.edu/projects/nissenbaum/papers/autonomy.pdf

Waterpik (Now with less chrome-plastic!):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmFsdYCiYTc

Black Russian on Motown Records:
http://www.discogs.com/Black-Russian-Black-Russian/release/2277005

Eleven on iTunes:
https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/eleven/id42989

Natasha Shneider on Wikipedia:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natasha_Shneider

2010: The Year We Make Contact movie clip:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibf-6O3uU6Q